It has been more than a year that I have contacted you in any form but I have been following you diligently. the thing is that I did not have any progressive overview on the self during this period.
Dear Edji, but three days ago something happened and as I do not know what is that I want to share it with you and beg for your insights on this whether this is the mind talking or if it corroborates with the truth that you have been talking.
What I come to know now is that all the words that we have been using in the spiritual world cannot give the test of the reality. I have put the last three days' experiences below. Please comment on these:
9th June: I was scanning the body and feeling the whole inner sensation. the whole body became one energy field and for the first time I feel the sense of presence. For the first time for its entirety I know that I-exist. Another thing is that that presence is not an objective reality but in real me, Myself. But somehow I dare not claim that to be me. That is bigger/greater/immense than me. Instantly I feel that I am not. I do not exist as a self. There is nothing inside which I could claim to be me but only this Presence which is me in my core form and is not me at the same time. I cannot exactly explain this feeling in words. Edji, is this what you have been talking about?
10th June: I perfectly know that there is no entity in this body/mind known as Purushottam as an I. Everything is happening in and around this body but the receiver, the author or the doer seems to be absent. But everything is happening perfectly as before. Now I have a certain freedom that I can focus my attention in any way as it is required but at the same time the point of view of the looker has changed somehow. I am feeling this presence as my core reality.
11th June: Only two hours of sleep. Unable to sleep due to mosquito buzzing all around. The body was panicking. Mind frustrated. But what was that which was untouched? Yes, there was something as a presence in the background. Linguistically I was sensing its presence but I now know that That is what I am in real without any sense of selfhood. Life now has become a paradox. The known, the cultured and the false sense of I-ness has collapsed. The identification has been broken. There is no I inside but still there is something which is so alive, more alive than what was there before. What is this? But there is a little bit fear inside. Certain sense of insecurity here. What to do, how to cope with this new situation? But there is no other way than follow, Be and love this Presence.
Dear Edji, these are what going on into me. For the first time I am not sure of anything. I come to know that words cannot help me anymore but only he who has been in this process himself. Please guide me.
With love and gratitude,
Now that you have realized your sense of presence and broken your identification with the personal sense of I, and maybe even with your body, you have transitioned into the foothills of great enlightenment.
Just keep doing what you have been doing, and read slowly, and very openly, the first 5 chapters of Nisargadatta's Ultimate Medicine. I think it is available on the wearesentience.com website. It will reinforce what you have grasped. Using his written words is like having me available to you all the time, reinforcing your “progression” of no progression.
You are blessed.